Dogwash

I can't help thinking that the giant panda is perhaps not the best choice as a poster animal for wildlife conservation. The female comes into season for just two days a year and, according to the hourly bulletins from Edinburgh we seem to be getting on the national news, while Tian Tian is sort of up for it, Yang Guang — how can I put this delicately — is having trouble getting it in because her tail is in the way.

When not, er, cocking up copulation, this monumentally stupid and ridiculous-looking animal, despite its omnivorous ursine heritage, spends all its time subsisting on bamboo shoots, possibly the least nutritious food available.

I think the panda knows it is a joke animal and would quite like to be allowed to just die out quietly. Perhaps we should stop interfering and let it.