11 February, 2012


The oozlum bird has an idea

For someone who isn't particularly interested in association football, I seem to be spending an awful lot of time blogging about it of late. It's not that I actively dislike the game, you understand. It's just the unholy, obsessive fuss that I can't be bothered with. I don't know who won the FA Cup in 1953. I don't know who plays at Left Outside for the MK Dons, or indeed what positions correspond approximately to Outside Left in the modern game. And, no, I don't actually support a particular team. It's that last one that floors 'em and causes numb incomprehension and incredulity.* But if futebol is on the telescreen in the pub and everybody else in the place is watching it, then I might as well do so too.

But football is demanding attention again, for strange and, to be frank, increasingly entertaining reasons. Luis "Dago Boy" Suárez and Patrice "Negrito" Evra met on the field of play again today. Suárez refused to shake Evra's hand, then (Rio) Ferdinand refused to shake Suárez' hand, then Dalglish and Ferguson had a fist fight. (No, I admit it, I made that last bit up. But the players did have a bit of a dust-up after the game.)

Business as usual then. But what makes this worth writing about is that a Man U. fanzine has published a cut-out Ku Klux Klan-stylee mask for supporters to wear in order to annoy Suárez and the Liverpool fans.

And the Old Bill are seizing the magazines and speaking darkly of racially-aggravated public order offences.

(Daily Mail and Casuals United.)

You're not going to put this genie back in the bottle, lads, and there aren't enough prison places for every football supporter in the country.

The oozlum bird has a suggestion, and I commend it to you. Since Black and White players (and their supporters) are quite clearly unable to play nicely together, why not set up two separate professional football leagues, one for Black players (and Black supporters) and one for Whites? That way you won't get all this nasty name-calling and those jolly japes that seem to worry you so much.

Now I appreciate that there are some folks of, er, multiple heritage. So I recommend that a tribunal be set up, consisting of Hugh Muir and Joseph Harker, to resolve any classification difficulties.

Tee hee, innit.

Update (17:30)

Piara "Holier than thou" Powar calls fellow wog a coconut.

Excuse me, I'm just popping out to buy some more popcorn.

* What's that you say? It's mandatory for any English male to support a football team. Oh alright. Choose one of:

— Oldham Athletic. Closest league ground to where I was born and raised.
— Charlton Athletic. Closest league ground to where I live now.
— Manchester City, 'cos I was born in Manchester, I'm not a Catholic and I'm old enough to remember when that mattered.

I'm really not bothered which one. Honest.

As I take a moment from watching the Spurs/Newcastle match (I'm in Canada, but Tottenham is the closest football club to my ancestral slum, Hackney) to have a glance at Dogwash, I am moved to second your comment about the jails not being big enough to incarcerate the entire British population of football fans. The great blogger Kathy Shaidle has been saying for years:If EVERYONE says the un-p.c. things, there's nothing 'they' can do. Or as she puts it, "Come get me, you fairies!"

"Excuse me, I'm just popping out to buy some more popcorn."

Too late! I bought Asda's entire stock! :D

I have taken this cause of action as both items are potentially offensive and we cannot be in a situation where hundreds or thousands of people were displaying offensive images at a football match. The consequences of taking no action could have resulted in public order incidents inside or outside the ground.

Funny that didn't seem to be a worry in the riots when plod stood back and let the enrichers rage on?
But then that was common or garden criminality, not heinous thought crime.

Years ago, at a football match, a group of Chelsea supporters (and this was in those days when there was no segregation of fans as now) were loudly discussing the signing by their team of a player from tottenham.

Now, I accept these were young men and at the same time were loud Lahnderners, which explains a lot) but they were convinced that this new player, coming from Spurs, was a Yid.

The longer they debated, the more they convinced themselves he had to be Jewish, though they never used that word.

Had these lads been overheard by the authorities now, they may have been arrested for breaking innumerable rules of correct thinking... and this was before they got round to calling the ref a 'black bastard' because, er, he was wearing the old refs colours of black with white trim.

On reflection, perhaps Yids aren't included much in the race hate laws. In which case, perhaps the authorities will help us and publish a list of the most protected ethnic groups. Like a league table, if you will, so we all know what's best for us.

Seen the Casuals United website cited a few times here.

Someone's into a bit of rough.

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