07 November, 2012
The end time is nigh
Actually, when you read the article, an anonymous tip-off, one among doubtless many from nutters and obsessives, was made pointing the finger at Savile and was perfunctorily investigated as a matter of routine and dismissed.
This is really becoming quite sinister. Soon the Sunday Spurt will be publishing reports of two-headed lambs being born with the births being attributed to the curse of Savile. (Although, given the nature of the Spurt and its publisher, it could well be a — pardon the expression — toss-up as to whether the teratogenous outcomes are the result of direct impregnation by Savile rather than malign influence.)
Within weeks, howling mobs will be roaming the land wielding ... well, you can't get the pitchforks these days but I'm sure they'll find something, baseball bats probably. People deemed to look "funny" will be convicted by ad hoc people's courts of being closet savilists and will be ritually immolated on filling station forecourts.
I've not felt so nervous since the death of Diana.
Anyway, as we all know, it was Leonard Rossiter who was the eminence grise behind the Yorkshire Ripper murders, masturbating furiously as Peter Sutcliffe killed each carefully-chosen victim.
As for exhuming Savile's bones, if they do, can they include Hindley, Moat and several others grind them up, and feed them to the pigs? The Muslims will be happy as this will no doubt mean fewer people will buy bacon - a happy time all around.
I wonder if there's a thriving — if disreet — market among journos (and groupies) for Lewis Hamilton's and Jenson Button's used underpants.