Dogwash

Apparently a footballer called Tom Adeyemi, who plays for Oldham Athletic, was racially abused and reduced to tears at a cup tie between Suárez United and t'Latics, when ... well let the Guardian explain.

A witness who gave evidence to Liverpool officials and the police said: "I was to the right of the Kop and the No11 turned to walk away after a tackle. I heard a single voice shout, 'You fucking black bastard.' He spun round with shock on his face and started pointing at the crowd, from where the shout had come."

Got that? Football supporter shouts something rude at a player for the opposing side.

A statement said: "Merseyside police can confirm that no one has been arrested this evening on suspicion of racially aggravated behaviour during tonight's FA Cup fixture at Anfield. However, the force and Liverpool Football Club are investigating following an incident that occurred during the second half of the game. The aim of the investigation is to establish the full circumstances surrounding the incident to ascertain if any action needs to be taken."

Liverpool launched an investigation into an incident that could not have come at a worse time for a club that has been widely condemned for its vehement support of Suárez, before and after his eight-match ban for racially abusing Evra in a match last October.

Riiight. Football supporter shouts something rude at a player for the opposing side and the police are called. The "incident" is reported in the media — including the BBC national radio news, no less.

...

And lo, it was reported on BBC 4 national radio news last evening that the police had arrested someone for this crime against humanity. Apparently someone has also been arrested for tweeting something racist at Stan Collymore.

This is getting silly. Soon most of the White population of the UK will be banged up. Either that or they will be keeping their traps well and truly sealed. I suspect I shall belong to the latter category. Or try to.

Not that, if I were to put my larynx into gear in the hearing of a black person, er, person of colour, er, non-IC1, I would be particularly likely to be going round racially abusing them. Such behaviour is apt to invite a smack on the nose, for one thing. But there's that awful feeling that you might just say something that might be misinterpreted, or indeed creatively re-interpreted, and you'd be up before the beak before you can call a spade a black bastard. Oops.

I mean, I used to work with this Black bloke many, many moons ago. He was a nice enough chap but he had a ginormous racial chip on his shoulder. Not only that but he seemed to think he personally owned the intellectual property rights on the word "black". I can't say I remember ever hearing him complain about the phrase "black coffee" itself, but he certainly treated most of the common collocations of "black" to detailed analysis. As I say, nice enough chap and I wish him well in his subsequent career, but I'm pleased he doesn't work for me any more. That, thankfully, was several yonks ago. Working with such a person these days would be positively dangerous.

My advice is, don't talk to Darkies. It only leads to trouble.

Actually, now I think of it, I did abuse a Black man yesterday. I say "Black", but it's difficult to pin down his ethnic make-up with any certainty. Let's settle for decidedly swarthy of complexion and definitely not "one of us", shall we? Joe the beggar will be familiar to anyone who knows beautiful downtown Greenwich at all well. As he stood there looking at me with an expression on his face like a vulture trying to decide which end of the carcass to start on first, I decided to open the conversation myself. "Fuck off, Joe!", I suggested politely. I might as well have saved my breath: he wished me a happy new year and launched into his pitch anyway.

The Old Bill will probably be round for me some time today, Sunday.

Trouble is, you do wonder where we go from here if the current round of arrests fails to encourager les autres. A new offence of looking at a Darkie quizzically, perhaps? Failing to smile nicely at a member of a privileged ethnic group, with intent to cause alarm and despondency? Failing to laugh sufficiently enthusiastically at Lenny Henry's jokes?

This will end in tears. Or worse.


In other news, Emma West (remember her?) has opted to go for jury trial. Good idea — I think.