25 July, 2011


This is all going to get very silly

Well, now we know what the journos have been doing all weekend, poor bastards. Poring over Anders Breivik's latest bestseller* Min Kamp looking for juicy quotes.

And the prize must go to the Telegraph team for this earth-shattering bit of amateur psychobabble,

Humiliated by knitting classes

Breivik's grudge against society appears to have its roots in the humiliation he felt at being forced to learn to knit at Smestad primary school in Oslo.

He says these courses were introduced "to feminise European boys in their insane quest to attempt to create the Marxist utopia consisting of 'true equality between the sexes'. I remember I dreaded these courses as it felt very unnatural and was a complete waste of time."

I see Jeremy Clarkson gets an honorable mention from the Knight Justiciar,

He also cites an article by Jeremy Clarkson, the Top Gear presenter and Sunday Times columnist, about the flag of St George stating: “This is the only country in the world where the national flag is deemed offensive.”

Praising Clarkson’s Top Gear performances, Breivik adds: “Discrediting national flags as signs of ‘bigotry’ is happening all over the Western world.”

Watch out, Jezza, the Righteous will be coming after you. (Oh, yes, they already are, aren't they?)

Oh dear. I think we can look forward to a week of emoting competitions, tiresome analyses and investigations of the psychological implications of the precise shade of Breivik's maternal great-grandfather's socks, and seriously impressive efforts on all sides to extract as much political capital as possible.

Hmm! Perhaps time to turn off the computer and the telly and spend the remainder of the week down the pub getting well pluged on the Power Charger, with chasers of pints of binge. I might even try a packet or two of those overpriced posh crisps. I rather fancy hand-crafted organic kettle chips with natural sea-salt crushed between maidens' thighs.

Remember: if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it is almost certainly a platypus in a mini-burqa.

* latest bestseller: I have to admit, somewhat shamefacedly, that I nearly typed "latest blockbuster" there. I think that might have been a Ross and Brand too far.

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