Dogwash

You thought it was all just another silly example of the anarchic absurdity we'd all come to expect of those jolly funsters, the Pythons, didn't you? You know, that Monty Python sketch about the unarmed-combat instructor who was obsessed with teaching his soldiers how to defend themselves against attackers armed with fresh fruit.

Turns out he was right all along. Paula Ross, reports the Metro among others, has finally been cured of her fear of bananas, originally brought on by unpleasant experiences as a toddler.

Paula, of Kilmarnock, Ayrshire, suffered torment during her school days because playground bullies would chase her brandishing the fruit.

She admitted: ‘It is a ridiculous fear but it is something I have had since I can remember.

'People used to chase me round the playground at school with banana peels and everyone used to laugh at me. They thought it was hilarious.

See, if the authorities had taken notice of the Pythons and set up appropriate early-learning initiatives, the younger Paula could have dealt with the playground bullies by shooting them or, if worse came to worst, lobbing a raspberry grenade at them and unleashing the tiger.