15 March, 2011


Something missing from the woodpile

Midsomer Murders creator suspended after race remarks

Read it and weep, or possibly boggle, or make yourself a hot bacon sarnie, as you prefer.

And right on cue, a localish rag wheels out the readily offended

One of Slough’s leading Muslims, businessman Nazar Lodhi, said the remarks amount to racial incitement and that he would contact the police.

Bollocks. Go on, Nazar, admit it mate; you've never even heard of the fucking programme, never mind watched it. If Phil Space of the Maidstone* Masturbator and Kebab Wrapper hadn't got in touch and wound you up about it, you'd have been none the wiser.

Incidentally, how do you get to be a "leading Muslim"? Is there an exam? Is there a career path? You know: leading Muslim, senior Muslim, chief Muslim.

From the Mediaspy piece:

A 2006 study commissioned by the British Film Institute found that British television had consistently failed to engage with ethnic minorities. One of the series singled out for its "strongly white, middle-England associations" was Midsomer Murders, which was described as "strikingly unpopular" among people from minority backgrounds.

To be honest, I'm not a regular listener to the BBC Asian Network, either. And you know what? I never watched a single episode of Nai Zindagi, Naya Jeevan in the 1970s. But I've never complained about their lack of ethnic balance. Should I have done, then?

I have a modest suggestion which might just restore the proper balance and resolve this major crisis in community relations. Why not dramatize Agatha Christie's Ten Little Niggers, under the original title and with actors of the ethnicity suggested by the title, and screen it alternate weeks with the next series of Midsomer Murders?

Happy now?

* Er, or possibly Maidenhead. Oh the shame, the shame. (Manfully resists temptation to crack lubricious joke about Madonna, or a racist joke about the heavenly reward of the shahidin.)

"But I've never complained about their lack of ethnic balance. Should I have done, then?"

Hell, why not? Let's start fighting fire with fire.

I dunno... Midsomer Honour Killings has a certain ring to it.

There could be episodes on a range of etnically-friendly issues from dodgy imams, illegal immigrants, terrorism under the bed, right through to wife beatings, benefit fiddles, burqa fashions and misogyny. Wait, make that Misogyny Honour Killings.

I am sure they will watch it in their droves, especially if it was in some language straight from one of the 'Stans.

Haven't watched it but now I know it's an enrichment free zone I might try to catch a scene or two.

Presumably if they up the vibrancy and diversity quota it'll become a three hour show to cope with the increased high jinks.

I suppose they could show the "Mary-Ann Leneghan" episode in which a 16 year old English (Irish?) school girl is gang-raped, tortured, and finally murdered by a troop of simians (with a token muslim thrown in to keep up the diversity count).

Or is this so far fetched a tale that nobody would ever believe this could happen...

PS Is the use of the word 'simian' politically incorrect or biologically not incorrect?

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