03 January, 2011


On the hour - rolling news for today's fast-paced lifestyle

Kay Burley (flame-haired temptress of the Newsroom, for it is she): And now over to Martin Brunt who is outside the bastard's, er the suspect's, house in Bristol.

Martin Brunt (sexily dishevelled as ever): Well, strictly speaking he's not a suspect, Kay. He's officially just helping police with their inquiries. However I was talking to man in a pub just now who said that anybody who looks like Jefferies must be, in his words, "an obvious bleedin' nonce, innit?"

KB: Bang to rights, then. Thank you, Martin, we'll be back to you in fifteen minutes for some more desperate insinuendo. And now Sport, and I'll be pointlessly interrupting Jon Desborough's report on the Ashes for the next five minutes, just to remind everybody whose show this is.

Meanwhile over at Broadcasting Hice:

James Tweedledee (for it is indeed he, the wee Scots puffball): Well, Minister, the Humpty-Dumpty Report, due to be released later this morning, is expected to conclude that the Prime Minister is a tiresome two-faced wanker who cannot be trusted. What do you have to say to that?

Minister of Denials: Well, Jim, we don't know that. We'll have to wait until the report has been published.

JT: Yes, of course, but the conclusions have been widely leaked and are well known. It is understood to propose that the Deputy Prime Minister should be replaced by a ventriloquist's dummy. What is your view?

Min of D: I can't really talk about this until the report has been published. Why don't you invite me back tomorrow when we've all had the opportunity to read the actual document properly?

JT: Hmm. Armand Tightlips, Minister of Denials, thank you very much.

Sensible man, I thought.

Update: Well, more an addendum really. Even I make spelling mistakes, typos and thinkos. I originally typed "to remind everybody who's show this is" above. Perhaps a Righteous reader can advise me if that qualifies me for full knuckledragger status, or do I have to work harder at it?

Edwin- you've certainly started the New Year off on a high note with these flights of fancy induced by irritating, overpaid broadcasters.

Best wishes, and keep up the good work in 2011.

Thank you. When the anger overcomes the apathy, I have a go.

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