03 July, 2010
A current issue
... MCB, MAB, EDF, UKIP ...A rather eclectic or quite possibly random selection, I would have thought. But my eye is caught once again by the involvement of the EDF. References to this disruptive shadowy organization occur repeatedly across the blogosphere. It is, so it is suggested, some kind of counterrevolutionary rightist paramilitary cadre which descends at random upon peaceful multicultures where it seeks to foment dissension while holding pitched battles with its sworn enemies, a band of vicious (or possibly even viscous) leftist thugs known as Weyman's Wankers.
But why, I ask yet again, is my electricity supplier, Électricité de France, getting involved in street politics? And is all this being funded out of my electric bill? Hmm! I did have my suspicions about that Chinese gentleman who turned up yesterday at my door. "Meter man", he called out in an unconvincing sing-song accent. I should have given the bastard a damned good scruting before allowing him into the premises.
But wait, a swift peruse of Wikipedia dislodges other even more worrying possibilities. The Estonian Defence Force, eh? Yes that must be it. I've always had my doubts about that Lembit Öpik feller. I mean, really. An Irish-Estonian with a potato-shaped head, failed MP, failed stand-up comic who used to hang out with a matching pair of Romanian pop tarts. Come on, you expect us to believe that cover story? Now if only we could work out what Lembit Öpik is an anagram of.
Enough of this conspiracy theory, it's doing me 'ed in. Right, Edwin! Smear yourself with pork fat to ward off Muslims, don your tinfoil hat and it's off down Sainsbury's in the Occupied Territories to resupply the larder before you starves to death. Innit?