Dogwash

Just been on a quick safari into the Occupied Territories to procure vital victuals ere I starve. I see that Sainsbury's are selling free-range scotch eggs. That did puzzle me for a moment. What kind of bird lays scotch eggs? And where does it get the sausage meat? (Mental image of large, very aggressive hen bringing down a fleeing, squealing pig.)

On the same topic, I was in a pub in central London the other day (no change there then). This establishment, one of a chain, offers a specialty sausage menu. Very nice they are too. They also offer periodic sausage tasting sessions where customers can sample the range. Which is fine apart from the thought nibbling away at the back of my cortex that a sausage tasting session sounds too much like a game at a gay party. Anyway, I'm standing there contemplating the sausage menu when my gaze lights upon

Pork & Bombardier

I spend several seconds struggling with the notion of supernumerary artillerymen being chopped up for sausage meat, before I remember that Bombardier is a cask beer brewed by Charles Wells at Bedford. What a relief!

Leaving the pub, having regained my composure somewhat, I pass another catering establishment offering

Children's Menu - £4.95

If that's the price of the menu, how much do the bloody meals cost? (Perhaps the place is part of Michael O'Leary's business empire. He'll want something to fall back on once he's finally alienated the last and most desperate of his airline customers.)

Ah the joys of having a semi-detached mind. So much better than living all the time in the real world.