12 January, 2009


A storm in a silver spoon

So that tireless guardian of public morality, The News of the Screws, gets its grubby hands on a spur-of-the-moment home movie shot by HRH Prince "Nice but Dim" Harry in which the Carrot-topped One refers to his comrade-in-arms Ahmed as a "Paki" — and lo the Meeja goes apeshit.

Some earnest unshaven young Wog called Mohammed Shafiq, seemingly a spokesman for the National Forum of Perpetually Offended Young Muslims, is interviewed respectfully as he warns us how even more Deeply Offended he and all the other unshaven young Wogs now are. Call-Me-Dave is wheeled out to reassure us that the Tories are not the bunch of racists we all secretly hope they are and that "this sort of thing" must be rooted out mercilessly. The CEHR stirs menacingly in its lair and threatens unspecified legal consequences if the required acts of penance, self-flagellation and sincere contrition are not performed entirely to its satisfaction. The MoD harumphs vaguely, wishing the whole thing would go away. And smug left-wing bloggers and forum-posters throughout the land seize the opportunity to call for the royal family to be stripped of its remaining privileges and forcibly exiled to the Islamic Republic of Dewsbury.

Do get a grip!

If young Hal's fellow trainee soldier had been, shall we say, a White Englishman of below-average stature and our witty young prince had referred to him as a shortarse or, displaying an unwonted euphemistic wit, as "Our very good friend Cornet Shorthouse", then oh how the massed hacks of the popular prints would have chuckled loyally and indulgently, reassuring the fretting plebs that the future of the monarchy was in safe hands.

But unfortunately the target of Harry's feeble wit was a Smoked Irishman, and therefore holy. The mortal and blasphemous sin of Racism has been committed and the sinner must be punished, preferably along with the entire indigenous population who the authorities suspect, probably correctly, of secretly sympathizing with the young prince.

Meanwhile, across the land, gathered for daily worship in the temples of St Tim Martin, the remaining indigenous population rolls its collective eyes, turns away from the Sky News silently playing on the giant telescreen, and applies itself to the serious matter of supping its 99p pints of Greene King IPA.

A storm in a silver spoon, indeed!

I leave you with a question directed towards Uncle Trevor of the CEHR. The next time some nasty Spectaclist and Regionalist Paki scumbag calls me a Four-Eyed Northern Git, will you take action if I complain nicely? Us persecuted minorities look to you for protection, innit?

UPDATE Su 18 Jan 2009

This post seems to have upset some of the good folk at Pickled Politics who took umbrage at my use of the word "wog" above, and consequently called me all manner of unpleasant things. One commenter complained that the post had contaminated her browser. Well, love, if you're of a sensitive nature and plan to browse the Web, it's advisable to get yourself a washable browser.

So why did I refer to Mohammed Shafiq as an "unshaven wog"? Well, Mr Shafiq is a Professional Offended Muslim, although on this occasion he seems to be assuming the more general role of of Professional Offended Non-White. He, like the Bungler-Wallah, Darcus and the Yazzmonster — who sound uncannily like creatures created by the fertile imagination of Maurice Sendak — are the particularly pernicious public variant of the Race-Card Artiste, ie those members of Approved Persecuted Minorites who deliberately manipulate and exploit the fear, nay terror, which has been inculcated into White people of being accused of racism, in order to further their own or their group's ends.

I despise such behaviour. Mr Shafiq's behaviour is no better than that of an employee who deliberately threatens to deploy "the race card" to get his own way at work. And yes, I have seen that happen on numerous occasions. Worse indeed, as Mr Shafiq acts in the public arena and potentially affects the lives of many.

In short, I called Mr Shafiq by the derogatory word "wog" because he behaves like one. "Unshaven" was just a bit of supplementary gratuitous abuse, inspired by the fashion for young men of UK-born Pakistani heritage for spiky hair and a 5-day shadow.

I was minded to add this update after I came across Mr Shafiq's apology, available here on his very own blog. It seems that Mr Shafiq realizes that he has overstepped the mark, or more likely perhaps that his outburst has not gone down too well and might adversely impact his career profile. Well, Mo, on behalf of the White (dare one say, "indigenous") population, I will give your supplication due consideration.

Oh and before someone starts on my use of the phrase "Paki scumbag" at the end of my original post, do read it in context. If a person of South Asian heritage were to abuse me using a phrase like "four-eyed Northern git", then I would feel perfectly entitled to respond in any terms I choose.

That is the point I am trying to get across in this and similar posts: the asymmetry of the social and linguistic rules established and promoted by "political correctness" is unjust and unacceptable. Perhaps we ought to appoint some Professional Offended White rent-a-spokesmen to come on the telly and complain every time Anjem Choudary opens his fatuous gob.

You show me respect, guys, and I'll show you respect.

What's "indigenous"?

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